Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Spielberg Boycott

Well, now it's time to make a real post on this brand spanking new blog of mine, and it goes thus:
I spent a couple of hours last Friday night sitting on the couch with my girlfriend, Nicole, nestled in to watch Spielberg's 'modern masterpiece' (according to many a reviewer), War of the Worlds. Now being an avid fan of science fiction novels, I was reasonably excited to see Tripods erupt from the earth and wreak havoc, so I anticipated an enjoyable DVD experience. And, for about 101 minutes of the estimated 112 minutes runtime, I did enjoy myself. Then, suddenly, it happened. It was Minority Report all over again. After the best part of two hours of trials, challenges and suspense and fear, suddenly, Ray (the chief protagonist) finds his family, alive, well and TOTALLY UNSCATHED!!! What the hell is going on, when the streets are deserted, millions are being wiped out, and yet a small, wealthy family in Boston survives in quiet contentment, while Ray and his children are hunted down by any number of armed aliens in some anonymous barnyard basement! Spielberg is a pussy! That's what's wrong. He can't handle anything but a gloriously happy (read: American) ending (With the notable exception of Schindler's List). Minority Report: ruthlessly hunted down, wrongly accused, CUTS OUT HIS OWN EYEBALLS, to then at the end, beat the baddie, reunite with his estranged wife and recover from the traumatic loss of his son and the ensuing drug addiction.
Am I the only one sensing a distressing dichotomy in his films? I hope not. Therefore, even though this blog may never be read by anyone, I propose we boycott Spielberg movies till he grows a dick!
Who's with me? Hear the call, join the march and let me know brothers and sisters, that we will not stand for such mediocre storytelling (there's a whole new WotW post about that coming some other time)! WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED!!!


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